Spousal / Partner Relations (Part 1)

As I argued previously, (Rick Atkinson: Retirement: The Ultimate Life Journey 2025), at retirement, one relationship that often changes is with your spouse or partner. In the early and middle years of marriage, couples normally don’t spend a lot of time together. As partners, they are busy making a living, raising a family and fixing up a home. In a recent survey, it was found the average couple spends only three or four hours a week together without the children, and that may be collapsing on the couch and watching TV.

Due to today’s hectic pace each partner tends to develop their own schedule and routine.

Then retirement comes and it’s time to relax, which includes spending quality time with your partner. However, a relationship filled with good times is not something that just happens. Like all other aspects of retirement, it requires planning and effort.  As part of your plan, it’s important to recognize that you and your partner have built up your own space and privacy needs.

Each of you needs time to pursue your own interests, hobbies, tasks or just ‘chill out alone’. One train of thought is if you were apart from your partner eight hours a day during your working days, you should plan to be apart approximately four hours a day in retirement. This enables each partner to have their own time and space. Be sure to talk with each other about your individual needs and agree on how those needs can be successfully fulfilled.

Frank and Amber agreed that when Frank retired, he would participate in activities outside the home three mornings a week.  They also agreed while Amber had the house to herself, she would indulge in her hobby – pottery.  The couple agreed that twice a week, they would walk to their favorite pastry shop for coffee and once a week have a ‘date night’. This arrangement has worked out well and Frank and Amber have recommended their ‘time and space’ plan to other retired couples.

As part of your planning, it’s important for you and your spouse to identify to each other what retirement means in terms of roles and responsibilities.  By doing this, you create a mini job description; it can outline dates, duties, responsibilities and authorities.

Before Dick and Anastasia began their retired life, they discussed who would be responsible for what in retirement. Dick would do the grocery shopping, make the bed each morning, prepare the dinner and several other domestic chores. Anastasia would do the cleaning and vacuuming, washing and drying the clothes and ironing. They agreed that household decorating would be done together.  This sharing of responsibilities assisted Dick and Anastasia build a harmonious working relationship without one partner feeling he or she is doing the lion’s share of the work.