At retirement, one relationship that often changes is with your spouse or partner. In the early and middle years of a marriage, couples normally don’t spend a lot of time together. As partners, they are busy making a living, raising a family, and fixing up a home. In a recent survey, it was found the average married couple spends only 2 or 3 hours a week together without the children, and that may be collapsing on the couch and watching TV.
Due to today’s hectic pace, each partner tends to develop his/her own schedule and routine around their work, family, and home demands. Then retirement comes and it’s a time to relax and enjoy the fruits of your labor, which includes spending quality time with your partner. It’s supposed to be the time when we enrich our relationship; when we do things and go places together.
However, a relationship filled with good times is not something that just happens. Like all other aspects of retirement, it requires planning and effort. As part of your plan, it’s important to recognize that you and your partner have built up your own space and privacy needs. Each of you needs time to pursue your own interests, hobbies, tasks, or just ‘chill out alone’. One train of thought is if you were apart from your partner eight hours a day during your working days, you should plan to be apart approximately four hours a day in retirement. This enables each partner to have his/her own time and space. Be sure to talk with each other about your individual needs and agree on how those needs can be successfully fulfilled.
As part of your planning, it’s important for you and your spouse to identify to each other what retirement means in terms of roles and responsibilities. By doing this, you create a mini job description; it can outline duties, responsibilities, and authorities.
The essential elements of a happy relationship are feeling valued, being appreciated, and loved. When a couple lacks any one of these positive feedbacks, the relationship suffers and the partners drift apart. Accepting the status quo slowly wears away at a couple’s intimacy and bond.
Though it is easy to take each other for granted, the preparation for retirement provides you and your spouse an opportunity to assess and enhance your relationship. Are you thoughtful? Do you express appreciation? Have you a sense of fun and adventure? These traits among others, add to the quality of your relationship and the satisfaction level between you and your partner.
To add spice to your relationship, do little romantic things such as buying flowers, or treating your partner to lunch. Say ‘thank you’ to recognize what he/she does for you and your relationship. Spend quality time together and share fun activities. Relationships are like a garden. They require regular care and feeding if they are to grow and become fruitful.
Rick Atkinson