For many of us in North America, work is a defining feature of our life, and this begins at a very young age. Children play with work roles such as teacher or soldier. They dress up in work attire for Halloween: doctors, astronauts— even pirates are pirates for a living. Work is also closely linked to our very identity and self-image. Adults ask children what they want to “be” when they grow up, and the accepted answer is generally linked to a particular type of work. The focus on work-as-identity continues through adulthood. When we ask, “What do you do?” we mean to ask what one does for a living. Upon retirement, however, this focus has quite different implications for our self-image.

Our preoccupation with work helps generate the image of retirement as comprising little more than sitting in a rocking chair and watching the world pass us by. Even today, many think being a retiree means being a nonproductive, non-contributing member of society. This attitude often takes people by surprise.

I am a nurse about four months from retirement. As I listened to your presentation, I realized I felt extremely depressed because I, too, equated retirement with the end of “usefulness.” Luckily, the message that retirement didn’t have to be that way has sunk in. I am ready to create my own “useful” next phase. I know this sounds like an exaggeration, but it’s entirely sincere. You saved my life!

—Wilma F.

It’s also common for people who enjoyed their work to think they’ll retain the satisfaction of past years, resting on their laurels, so to speak. This, too, is a mistake.

A young man (Charlie) and I chatted while waiting to board a plane. He asked what I do; I responded by talking about my work. About halfway into my explanation, he seemed to realize I was talking about work I did years ago. The look on his face changed from one of interest to one of dismissal. Suddenly, I felt oddly irrelevant, and the feeling bothered me for several days.

— Rick A., author

Of course, many people retire from work they did not enjoy; however, their former role can still create problems.

My husband did not enjoy his work, but when he retired, he seemed to apply his former role of manager to me. This created a number of arguments that ended with me begging him to find something to get him out of the house. It wasn’t until he angrily pointed out I kept referring to the house as “my” house that I realized I, too, needed to make some adjustments.

—Rita A., homemaker

Don’t let these pitfalls trip you up. A successful retirement includes focusing on what you now “do,” not just on what you used to do. Thinking of yourself as a retired supervisor, manager, professor, or nurse—or just plain retired— is limiting.

When you retire, it’s time to write a new “job description.” It’s time to develop and strengthen your ability to find satisfaction in new interests and pursuits. That’s not to say you should ignore what you used to do for a living, but it’s time to include grandparent, gardener, artist, photographer, speed walker, student, avid reader, budding novelist, etc., to your description.

You might not have a new role already in mind when you retire. That’s okay because many people don’t. However, if you simply wait for something interesting to show up, you’ll find yourself on a slippery slope to an unhappy, unsuccessful retirement. You’ve got time to explore and try new things, to develop your new role(s) or sense of self. The key is to be proactive, which you can do as you build a balanced leisure lifestyle.